Family Constellation, Family Energetics Work, and You

What is Family Constellation or Family Energetics Work?

Family Constellation (aka Family Energetics) work involves freeing bound up energy blocking the flow of love in the "Family Soul." The flow of love in a family generational line can be blocked when an ancestral family unit experienced difficulties that overwhelmed the capacity of the family to handle the ensuing emotions that resulted from those difficult events. In Family Constellation/Energetic Work, something occurred in the family setting somewhere back in the generational line that was not adequately addressed, processed, accepted, or that was completely ignored. This resulted in a loss of the flow of love in the Family System, and this imbalance in the Family Soul may continue until it is resolved through proper acknowledgement and processing. (It doesn't necessarily need to be ancestral though--if your own family had difficulties that weren't addressed you may benefit from Family Constellation work so it isn't passed on to your children. )

For example, those who do emotional/psychological work understand that if there is unfinished emotional business in an individual who dies, it can be passed on to that individual's children (manifest in many ways, physically, emotionally, spiritually, etc.) The same is true of the Family Soul: unfinished business may get passed on through the Family Soul, and a perceptive child in the family may take on that energy as their own in an attempt to help the Family Soul heal.  In most cases of Family Constellation or Energetics work, the individual really did not need to take that disruptive energy on--which can cause them all kinds of difficulties.  In other cases it seems the individual takes on the energy by "calling, or assignment", and one of their underlying subconscious life goals is to help heal the Family Soul.  (I have found this to explain "past life" and inexplicable personal issues in ways that make so much sense.!)  But Family Constellation issues can be cleared--and that's great news!!!!

I have found Family Constellation/Energetic work to be very freeing.  It releases a ton of pent up energy and seems to allow individuals to have much greater access to the love and help that their deceased family members want to give them.  Something interesting to note is that people outside of the family who did things to affect the flow of love in the family become part of the family constellation (even though they aren't family members.)  I find this very interesting because it underscores how important forgiveness is to the Family Soul--and the beauty of the Atonement on a whole new level.

What are some events that can create the need for Family Constellation (Energetics) Work?

1. Attachment Issues: Failures in childhood attachment bonding (for various reasons) of someone in the Family Constellation---this could go back several generations if the lack of attachment effected the family from that point on.  It is well-understood in Attachment Theory, that the unhealthy attachment affects relationships in a family system for a lifetime if not healed.
2. Parent/Child Seniority Switching: If for some reason the parent is unavailable (physically or emotionally) and a child becomes the parent's "parent" or "spouse."  This can create a block of a healthy flow of love in the family dynamics and create the need for Family Constellation Work.
3. Former Partner or Lovers excluded: This can be about unresolved emotions for a first love, a former spouse, etc. that blocks the flow of love in the family.  Small children have keen emotional sensitivities and can pick up on these things if their parents (or grandparents) still have attachment to former lovers, the ex, etc.  This can potentially block the flow of love in the family.
4. Major Injustices in the Family:  This injustice can go either way--if a grandparent (great-grandparent, etc.) was unjust with someone , or if someone was unjust towards them (i.e. a land swap that turns out to be unjust, plantation owners, arsonist who gets money for the fires they create, etc.)  This may affect the flow of love in the family, especially if the family hangs onto it with anger and unforgiveness. (Note: Remember, the need for work is only there if the injustice was not processed in a complete way--again, forgiveness is huge!)
5. Tragic Suffering in the Family:  These can be things like miscarriages, stillbirths, abortions, untimely deaths, suicides, murders, crippling long-term illness, forced emigrations, birth defects, etc.
6. Catastrophic Events: This can be combat remorse for veterans, natural disasters, war, survivor guilt of members who survive terrible events (like the holocaust), etc.
7. Perpetrator-Victim Abuse: Abuse in it's many forms.  This can be from a one-time experience or an ongoing abuse situation.  Family members down the constellation line may feel the need to atone for the actions of the perpetrator, or the victim may have carried wounds they found impossible to process.  So remember, the abuser and the victim are both part of the constellation because of how it affected the flow of love in the Family Soul. Also know that this can include forms of "ill-gotten gain" if you had an ancestor involved in dishonest or immoral gain (like slavery, immoral business dealings, etc.), or visa versa.

If we did Family Constellation (Energetics) Work with you, remember that we acknowledge their suffering, thank them deeply for all they've faced, all they have done for the family, and we gratefully free it and give it to the Lord (or the universe), or back to them.  Hopefully we can give it to the Lord, but some aren't ready for that.

Good Reads:
Family Energetics by Deborah H. Donndelinger
The Healing of Individuals, Families and Nations by John L. Payne
Health, Happiness and Family Constellations: How Ancestors, Family Systems, and Hidden Loyalties Shape Your Life and What You Can Do About It

This blog should not be taken as medical advice.

What is Life Coaching?

What is Life Coaching Therapy?

Life Coaching is "partnering with clients in a thought-provoking and inspiring process that inspires them to maximize their personal potential."

• Goals and pace are determined by the client
• Work is towards optimizing overall vitality and mental well-being
• Relies on the client's self-assessment
• The coach-client relationship is a supportive peer-to-peer relationship
• May be fast-paced and action-oriented

Why I prefer to do Life Coaching over counseling therapy:

Being a Life Coach allows me to blend traditional psychological methods with innovative techniques.  Many of these innovative techniques are remarkably effective but cannot be used by counselors because they do not have the reams of studies required by insurance companies.  I believe that Life Coaching gives me the freedom to maximize a person's healing process with these types of techniques, as well as give that person healing tools they can carry with them for a lifetime.

Why you may prefer Life Coaching:

You may be functioning quite well but know you could be doing better.  In short, you don't need "counseling" but would welcome a push in the right direction.  Life Coaching could be just the thing for you!  You may have been in counseling for some time and just aren't seeing the gains you expected, and you are ready to see what this whole "Body/Mind" thing is about.  Life Coaching could be just the thing for you!

What Life Coaching is not:

• Life Coaching makes no claims of treating clinical disorders
• Life Coaches should not diagnose or prescribe
• Life Coaches should recommend more clinical settings for those clients who have issues or conditions outside of their scope of practice

Testimonials of my Life Coaching

“Growing up I never had very much self-esteem. I wanted to just stay out of everyone's way and not cause any problems since I was the youngest of four kids to a single mother. This meant by the time I got married I had so little self-esteem that I couldn't even repeat the phrase "I like myself, I like myself, I really really like myself" out loud. I would break down, and not want to do it.

Around this time I saw Holli for a short time and she encouraged me to endorse for the effort, not for the result. She sent is little "endorse" signs, and my husband even made this funny little song about endorsing that he would sing when I was down until I started laughing. I even kept an "endorse journal" for a while where I would write down everyday 3 good things I did that day, and one goal for the next day (which helped me to endorse for completing in the next day!)

Endorsing has truly helped me so much, and I no long have to force myself, I just do it naturally and am so much happier.”  S.R.

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"It is without hesitation that I can highly recommend working with Holli.  As I have worked with her, I have been able to recognize and resolve issues that I had been struggling with from the past that I had not consciously recognized.  With her guidance and direction, I have been able to move past issues that have been holding me back and move forward in a more positive direction.  Holli is a very knowledgeable, spiritual and compassionate person.  I believe these gifts are tools she uses to bless others lives." B.J.

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"Long-standing feelings about an important person in my past have finally been addressed and resolved."  P.T.

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"From experience, I can say that Holli's genuine kindness provides a safe, nonjudgmental place in which healing can take place, assisted in moving forward beyond trauma blocks by all the various modalities in which she has been trained, along with her innate gifts. She is a gem!" --K.H.

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“I learned how to love myself and to forgive myself, and to be able to love and forgive others.”  C.W.

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"I am so grateful for the help and assistance I have received from Holli Oram for the past many years!  Holli is kind and gentle in her evaluations, but also very thorough and concise.  At a very emotional roller coaster time in my life when things were unraveling and my health slipping away, when pressures seemed to be overwhelming and future dreams dimmed, Holli helped me understand what it was I was dealing with and how to turn things around so that I could believe in myself again and have faith that things would work out.   I have come to learn that life is beautiful, that faith and God's love are real, and that dealing with feelings instead of hiding them is a journey to better health and greater happiness.   Holli is well prepared as she has educated herself on a professional level and has a great knowledge and understanding of so many different kinds of health issues."

K.S.                                                                                                                                                                                                                         :

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"Holli is a very intuitive life coach.  Sessions with her have been an incredible blessing in my life! She assisted me in releasing heavy burdens of grief and anxiousness.  Holli has dedicated immense amounts of time studying many forms of healing.  This holistic approach enables her to offer her clients a WEALTH of valuable insight not found in traditional therapy alone.  She opens eyes to new methods of healing.  Holli uses the best of eastern and western wisdom combined with spiritual gifts. I most highly recommend her services! "  T.L.

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"I truly love Holli!  I think she is like the fresh smell of rain on a summer evening when you can smell the perfect blend of refreshing cleansing rain and sweet fragrant flowers (like of a rose). I smelled it the other day and it was heavenly. It reminded me of safe happy days at my grandma's. This is Holli! She gives comfort and peace and hope! Wonderful enlightening, gentle guiding, loving HOPE!  She truly has a gift to touch the souls that need grace, strength, healing and acceptance!  She offers an energy that is not just a gift of her power and talent, but which comes from her experiences. She knows how to connect because has felt or can understand their feelings. Feelings that can be crippling and exhaustive. But she has found the sunshine and can freely help others find its warmth! These are some phrases that come to my mind when I think of Holli:
Spiritually centered.
Mentally grounded.
Emotionally safe.
Giver of peace and strength.
Truly understanding of an individual's challenges.
Holli- a refuge and sanctuary ! Where one can express feelings to begin healing!
Nonjudgmental (for reals)! Only light and peace! She is amazing and I am so blessed to have met her and to have worked with her. I have been strengthen by her. I am doing well. Enjoying life, still working on me but in a much happier place. I think of her guidance and counsel often. She was very important in my journey. I needed her and I'm glad a path led to her."  A.L.