How Do I Know If I Need Family Constellation or Family Energetics Work?

What May Indicate the Need for Family Constellation (Family Energetics) Work?

Here are some things that may indicate that Family Constellation (Family Energetics) Work may be helpful to you and your family:
1. Abandonment, rejection: If you or someone is abandoned, rejected from, or left out of the family--or if someone was forgotten about or not talked about.
2. Emigration:  If you had an ancestor emigrate and it was difficult for them, they continue to long for their homeland, etc.
3. Sensitive to Injustices: If you are quite sensitive to injustice and easily pick up on other's emotions. (Many children are very perceptive and will sometimes take on the energy of "unjust circumstances" as their own.)
4. Business Failures and Loses: If you or your family have a continued pattern of business failures, business losses, job loss, unable to find a job, etc.
5. Ill-Health: If you or your family have chronic illness or another kind of health problem that doesn't respond to treatment.  Allergies may indicate need for Family Constellation Work as well.
6. Family Secrets or Family Trauma: If your family had any trauma or family secrets that were "thrown under the rug," affecting the balance and flow of love in the family.  Also, if there was family trauma that was not discussed in ways that healed the family.
7. Black sheep in Family or the Family Scapegoat: Being a Black sheep can often indicate the need for Family Constellation Work.  Black sheep often do what they do out of a child-like love for the family.
8. "What was excluded on the human level will be included in the Family Soul." So, if important matters of a parent or family were left undone, it may indicate need for Family Constellation Work.
9. Mental Illness: Sometimes the roots of repeated family mental illness can be found in Family Constellation Work.  i.e. Bipolar disorder, major depression, suicide (especially if it's repeated down the generational line), anxiety, trichtillomania, etc.
10. Inexplicable Emotional Heartache: If you have feelings that just don't seem to be your own, or if your own feelings seem out of proportion to what one would expect in the situation.
11. Divorce:  If your parents divorced (or if you yourself had an "ugly" divorce) and you felt like you needed to take sides, or you were asked to takes sides, etc.
12. Addictions: People with addictions are often deeply sensitive and may have taken on a lot of unresolved family suffering in an effort to help the family members.  I have found Family Constellation Work to show up often for people with addictions.

How Much Family Constellation Work Will I Need?
There isn't a hard, fast rule.  Some will feel improvement after the first session, others will need repeated visits until the issues in their Family System are all cleared up.  You're freeing up a ton of energy in a session, so it's worth it!

What I have found in Family Constellation Work is that the deceased family members seem to be deeply grateful when it is work that was done by "calling" or "assignment."  And when it is done with someone who has taken on hardships unnecessarily,  the Family Constellation members are grateful that the person is now at peace.  As John Payne says regarding those who take on the family energy unnecessarily, "the Souls of those [ancestors] who have suffered are unhappy when they see others take on or suffer a similar fate out of loyalty to them.  Just as our own parents wish us to flourish and be happy, so it is with Souls towards whom we have unbalanced loyalties.  For them, the loyalty neither serves them nor improves their situation.  Their greatest wish is that others within the family can be free to enjoy all of life's rich blessings."

This blog is not intended to be taken as medical or psychological advice.

Family Constellation, Family Energetics Work, and You

What is Family Constellation or Family Energetics Work?

Family Constellation (aka Family Energetics) work involves freeing bound up energy blocking the flow of love in the "Family Soul." The flow of love in a family generational line can be blocked when an ancestral family unit experienced difficulties that overwhelmed the capacity of the family to handle the ensuing emotions that resulted from those difficult events. In Family Constellation/Energetic Work, something occurred in the family setting somewhere back in the generational line that was not adequately addressed, processed, accepted, or that was completely ignored. This resulted in a loss of the flow of love in the Family System, and this imbalance in the Family Soul may continue until it is resolved through proper acknowledgement and processing. (It doesn't necessarily need to be ancestral though--if your own family had difficulties that weren't addressed you may benefit from Family Constellation work so it isn't passed on to your children. )

For example, those who do emotional/psychological work understand that if there is unfinished emotional business in an individual who dies, it can be passed on to that individual's children (manifest in many ways, physically, emotionally, spiritually, etc.) The same is true of the Family Soul: unfinished business may get passed on through the Family Soul, and a perceptive child in the family may take on that energy as their own in an attempt to help the Family Soul heal.  In most cases of Family Constellation or Energetics work, the individual really did not need to take that disruptive energy on--which can cause them all kinds of difficulties.  In other cases it seems the individual takes on the energy by "calling, or assignment", and one of their underlying subconscious life goals is to help heal the Family Soul.  (I have found this to explain "past life" and inexplicable personal issues in ways that make so much sense.!)  But Family Constellation issues can be cleared--and that's great news!!!!

I have found Family Constellation/Energetic work to be very freeing.  It releases a ton of pent up energy and seems to allow individuals to have much greater access to the love and help that their deceased family members want to give them.  Something interesting to note is that people outside of the family who did things to affect the flow of love in the family become part of the family constellation (even though they aren't family members.)  I find this very interesting because it underscores how important forgiveness is to the Family Soul--and the beauty of the Atonement on a whole new level.

What are some events that can create the need for Family Constellation (Energetics) Work?

1. Attachment Issues: Failures in childhood attachment bonding (for various reasons) of someone in the Family Constellation---this could go back several generations if the lack of attachment effected the family from that point on.  It is well-understood in Attachment Theory, that the unhealthy attachment affects relationships in a family system for a lifetime if not healed.
2. Parent/Child Seniority Switching: If for some reason the parent is unavailable (physically or emotionally) and a child becomes the parent's "parent" or "spouse."  This can create a block of a healthy flow of love in the family dynamics and create the need for Family Constellation Work.
3. Former Partner or Lovers excluded: This can be about unresolved emotions for a first love, a former spouse, etc. that blocks the flow of love in the family.  Small children have keen emotional sensitivities and can pick up on these things if their parents (or grandparents) still have attachment to former lovers, the ex, etc.  This can potentially block the flow of love in the family.
4. Major Injustices in the Family:  This injustice can go either way--if a grandparent (great-grandparent, etc.) was unjust with someone , or if someone was unjust towards them (i.e. a land swap that turns out to be unjust, plantation owners, arsonist who gets money for the fires they create, etc.)  This may affect the flow of love in the family, especially if the family hangs onto it with anger and unforgiveness. (Note: Remember, the need for work is only there if the injustice was not processed in a complete way--again, forgiveness is huge!)
5. Tragic Suffering in the Family:  These can be things like miscarriages, stillbirths, abortions, untimely deaths, suicides, murders, crippling long-term illness, forced emigrations, birth defects, etc.
6. Catastrophic Events: This can be combat remorse for veterans, natural disasters, war, survivor guilt of members who survive terrible events (like the holocaust), etc.
7. Perpetrator-Victim Abuse: Abuse in it's many forms.  This can be from a one-time experience or an ongoing abuse situation.  Family members down the constellation line may feel the need to atone for the actions of the perpetrator, or the victim may have carried wounds they found impossible to process.  So remember, the abuser and the victim are both part of the constellation because of how it affected the flow of love in the Family Soul. Also know that this can include forms of "ill-gotten gain" if you had an ancestor involved in dishonest or immoral gain (like slavery, immoral business dealings, etc.), or visa versa.

If we did Family Constellation (Energetics) Work with you, remember that we acknowledge their suffering, thank them deeply for all they've faced, all they have done for the family, and we gratefully free it and give it to the Lord (or the universe), or back to them.  Hopefully we can give it to the Lord, but some aren't ready for that.

Good Reads:
Family Energetics by Deborah H. Donndelinger
The Healing of Individuals, Families and Nations by John L. Payne
Health, Happiness and Family Constellations: How Ancestors, Family Systems, and Hidden Loyalties Shape Your Life and What You Can Do About It

This blog should not be taken as medical advice.

Say No to Your Addiction!

What Can I Do When I Am Tempted (or triggered) to Return to My Addiction?

1. Make a Plan, Work the Plan* (see suggestions below):  Notice and write down what "triggers" you.  Avoid these triggers if possible, and cue for the emotional/spiritual triggers.  Decide ahead of time what you will do when faced with triggers, especially unexpected triggers.

             * Make a list of all of the reasons why you want to overcome your addiction(s).  (cuing!*)

             * Read this list 20 times a day.  Record it on your phone and listen to it again and again. (cue)

             * Have your BSFF Quick Sheet handy for cuing.  If specific events or emotions come up, it's a good idea to cue for those specifically.

2. Command your Muscles to Act:  You see, your muscles can re-train your brain.  It has been found that you literally can act your way into correct thinking! So listen to your muscles as their actions train you in the correct response to your cravings. Exit the building--RUN! Don't even go into the room or building that contains the trigger or substance (or computer, etc.) if possible.  Command your muscles not to act on what your brain is obsessing about.

Command your muscles to stay still and breathe deeply, focusing on the mechanics of your breathing (and cuing!) Give commands to your muscles of what they will and will NOT do--and follow those commands.  Let your body know you mean it! Be the Boss of You!  And start cuing!  (Remembering to cue for the failsafes.  There are many failsafes when it comes to addictions.)

Set a Timer: You can resist for at least 5 minutes. Start to work your plan in those 5 minutes, and start cuing for the reasons you're triggered and craving.

3. ENDORSE!  Pat yourself on the back now.  NOW!  Endorse yourself for EVERY EFFORT TO RESIST IMMEDIATELY-- THE SECOND YOU RESIST!  Then CUE or EFT tap!

4. Statement suggestions: 

"It is now worth it to me to face the pain(s) of my addiction(s) and overcome my compulsion to use." (Cue) 

                "I allow the pain (emotional/spiritual events) that this addictive urge represents to be swallowed up in Christ ." (cue and remember it can be helpful to be specific if possible)

                "I allow God to replace my pain (specific if possible) with His love and peace (or other positive emotions such as security, serenity, etc." (Cue)

                 Continue to create statements cue as needed, and as inspired.
Always finish with your Orientation and Full Armor of God cues.

*These ideas may be helpful in making your plan:
1. Visualize being surrounded with God's Love and Light.  Put on the armour of light (Romans 13:12) (and cue using the quick sheet if possible--if not, just cue!)
2. PRAY for help, for ideas, for people you can reach to--pray!
3. LISTEN to beautiful music that uplifts and humbles and motivates you to resist the battles.  LISTEN to what the Holy Spirit is trying to say to you.  If you feel too far removed from the Holy Spirit, listen to what you would hear someone say who really believed in you at some time in your life.
4. SCRIPTURES: Use 3-4 scriptures that really motivate you to put on 3X5 cards, or in your phone...and CUE!
5. USE Your love of JESUS CHRIST AND GOD AS A SHIELD!
               * Put a picture(s) of Christ up to help you recall His Love for you, and your Love for Him.
               * Put Affirmation cards up with "I AM" Statements (for Afformations--put "why" in front)
                                 i.e. "I AM A DISCIPLE OF CHRIST." (cue)
                                       "I AM A CHILD OF GOD." (cue)
                                       "I LOVE JESUS CHRIST, AND HE LOVES ME." (cue)
                                       "I WILL PLEASE JESUS THIS MOMENT, etc." (cue)
                * Remember that the Savior will literally go before you as a shield:
                                      "..I WILL BE THEIR SHIELD" (D&C 35:14)  (cue)
                                      "THE LORD IS MY STRENGTH AND MY SHIELD." (Psalms 28:7) (cue)
                                      "...BUT THOU, O LORD, ART A SHIELD FOR ME...." Psalms 3:3 (cue)

Yes, you have many neuropathways to redirect--kind of like clearing a jungle path with a machete, so this may take some practice.  ENDORSE FOR EVERY GOD-GIVEN VICTORY!  And...
6. KEEP SCORE OF YOUR SUCCESSFUL RESISTANCE:  Really do this.  This part is extremely important!  On a piece of paper make a mark for every time you resist the temptation to use.  It's very important you report the number of successes to someone every day. Let them know how many times you resisted during the night and during the day. Especially report to God!  Set up someone right now to report to--needs to be a living, breathing person.  Your Mom, or Dad, a friend, or even better, a sponsor. Start attending a local recovery group. Check 211 for resources, there are many addiction recovery services in the community to help you find someone to help.

MAKE YOUR PLAN, WORK YOUR PLAN!
*Cuing refers to using the method, "Be Set Free Fast".  These tools can be effective alone, nevertheless, the BSFF approach will make them much more effective.

THIS BLOG IS NOT INTENDED TO BE TAKEN AS MEDICAL ADVICE!  THE AUTHOR ADVISES THAT YOU SEEK OUT HELP FROM A QUALIFIED PROFESSIONAL.